A Perfect Pet

People think that I am mad,
half-crazy, even sad,
because they see me talking to my rock.

And when I walk it down the street,
in rain or snow or even sleet,
others look at me askance, and mutter underneath their breath.

But how I love to see it tumble free,
off the leash, scrambling down the scree,
and rolling over all the other stones.

Along the water’s edge, it loves to skip,
jumping, leaping over waves, on its trip,
being careful not to wade too deep into the lake.

And when at night, we return,
it flops down by the logs that burn,
and snuggles even closer by my side.

Then I leave some chocolate in its bowl,
some broken bits, some quite whole,
and amazingly, by morning they are gone.

Oh I know it’s not the food that is the best,
since it can cause some coughing in its chest,
but it’s only for a special treat, every now and then.

And if it should get hot and sick,
I call the geologist double quick,
or maybe the gemologist if there’s a special need.

But please don’t think me odd or worse,
for when I talk, I talk to it in verse,
and it replies in nonsense syllables and rhymes.

It has its own jibber jabber and peculiar palaver,
and by nature is a gantic gibber gabber,
and uses words all tied together with a spoon.

It imitates the sounds I make,
like wiffs and sniffs when I’m awake,
and snorts and chorts while I am sawing logs.

And if it wakes me with its snores,
because it’s had too many s’mores,
I just roll it on its side, which seems to do the trick.

And if anyone shakes a head while passing on my walk,
I just explain, I’m talking to my rock,
which is delightful company you know.

It doesn’t need to be plugged in to gain a charge,
or picked up after, after each discharge,
like all the things I see others talking to.

It won’t cause my eyes to itch,
or my nose to drip or twitch,
for its skin is easily kept clean and hypoallergenic too.

It doesn’t disturb my neighbours with a bark,
or require a special sort of park,
and is really good for the environment, you see.

It won’t eat me out of house and home,
or take off for days and days to roam,
but aways rests so peacefully in its place.

All in all it’s a perfect pet,
whose costs won’t drive me into debt,
and whose company is quite a comfort at my age.

The only weakness, I must submit,
is its love of chocolate I admit,
but then again it’s not too bad, because that’s a craving we refuse to quit.

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